Monday, December 16, 2013

My Duck Fetish Housemates and Where it All Went Wrong (Part Three of Three)

Between their duck fetish and my inability to clean to their heightened standards. I knew things in the apartment were not going to work out. However I was biding my time as I couldn't really afford to escape. I, of course, was assuming I had a choice in the matter.
At first I thought we were going to have another argument about tooth-brushing the skirting boards. So you can imagine my surprise when I was given my notice.
That was it. One weeks notice and then I'd be homeless. I looked to my quiet roommate for sympathy.
But she was less than forthcoming. I had to find somewhere to live, someone to live with these nut jobs and move all my belongings to some other godforsaken apartment all in one week. I started to panic.
After a lot of time spent pacing I decided to get my act together. I arranged viewings around the city and spent the next few days running in and out of apartments and showing my apartment to people. In order to get someone to take it as soon as possible, I decided to act like it was a sales pitch.
I even managed to distract viewers from the fact that my housemates were sitting on the couch glowering at them as they walked around the apartment. They were even occasionally growling and making strange hostile murmuring noises.
After the first round of showings I had several enthusiastic candidates. But my housemates had a few additional no-nos. They wanted to make sure that their new housemate had none of my traits. They also ruled out several nationalities as potential housemates based on their perception of that nationality. This included their own country-men.
So I started the process again and eventually found a very quiet girl who was willing to take the room. I tried getting her to sign the rules without actually reading them.
After an hour spent convincing her the rules were just a precaution she eventually signed. I was all set to move out. On the day of my departure my housemate came to the door. I assumed it was to wish me no hard feelings. But instead he was looking for money for the next months bills.
That was it. I'd had enough of these duck-loving loons. So I told him I'd pay him in the kitchen in a minute. I waited for him to go in there and start pottering about. Then very quietly I grabbed my stuff and legged it out of the building, down the street and made my way to my new home.

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