Sunday, January 19, 2014

When Becoming a Blanket is the Only Answer

 It all started with the electricity bill. Which was everybody and nobodies fault all at once. 
This was bad. We didn't turn on each other though. We all shuffled off to our various rooms and sulked. But then the really horrendous thing happened. The heating died. Ours is not the sort of house that retains heat. It sort of eats it and spits it out the windows. As each of us realised our rooms were becoming slowly more refrigerated we emerged in our various cold-proofing outfits.
It got to the point where I looked like a walking thrift store. 
It then escalated to the point where I could not actually move my arms.
I was insistent that despite all this we should remain positive. That running and being proactive was the answer to this Frankenstein-type January that was trying to bring us down. 

I was spending most of my time curled up in bed writing. This was quite cosy until my hot-water bottle started leaking.
Any normal person would have checked to make sure they weren't just imagining the bed was wet. But I kept typing, sure I was just being dramatic as my bed got soggier and soggier. When I finally realised that I was indeed sitting in a rather warm and soggy puddle of water, I of course had words with the deflated excuse for a hot-water bottle. 
I then spent the night huddled in one corner of my bed feeling more than sorry for myself. With no hot-water bottle and no heating it felt like the cold was settling in my lungs.
But I was still determined to make sure January wouldn't get me down. So I decided to go for a long, long, long run. This would a) dispel all bad feelings towards the month and b) ensure warmth for the duration of the run. But then this happened...
By the time I got home I was soaked to the skin and colder than when I'd started out. 
I then spent a couple of hours clutching the kettle in search of warmth. 
Shortly after this I decided to retire to my blanket and stay there until the cold has passed.


  1. Every winter, on the coldest days, the heating in my apartment stops working. I wonder how it gets the forecast.

    Thank you for the warmth of laughter generated by your posts.

  2. I too would like to know how the heating predicts the weather. Thank you so much for reading :)

  3. simple science. The heating they use is probably radiators. works by convection. Heat transfer by convection requires a medium to travel through (liquid). Mediums can tell the future. therefore: heating predicts not only the weather, but the future. boom

    1. This is brilliant. Trust you to come up with a scientific pun.

  4. My house doesn't have insulation either so we use the heater only in "extreme" cases (to be taken with a grain of salt because I live in California and 34 is our extreme case) so we have purchased many couch blankets and fluffy socks. I didn't think of a hot water bottle though, that is a good idea! (Except for the leaking part...)

    1. I think your extreme case might be a little thing we call "summer" here in Ireland. Although I do support the fluffy sock movement and hot water bottles don't normally leak, I am just ridiculously unlucky. It will be your most prized possession if you invest. When it's really cold you can tuck it under your sweater for a portable personal radiator effect.

  5. I chuckled really hard while reading your post and enjoying the mini comics that came with it. All the jokes aside, have you already gotten your heating system checked? If not, it would be best to seek experts to assess the situation properly. Take care!

    Monica Ryan

  6. The heating died. Ours is not the sort of house that retains heat. It sort of eats it and spits it out the windows. As each of us realised our rooms ...


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